One after the other,
Slowly, trickling by,
The sheet wets.
As howls echo throughout,
A strange frost crushes her heart.
Everything at beck and call;
The perfect life seems broken to her.
Rescue me;
Her wordless screams go unheard.
Inexplicable pulses,
Each stabbing deeper.
Trembles rock her throughout;
As she struggles to gain courage,
Not to keep up the sprint,
But to stop;
Stop and jump.
So hard it is to tell you,
But even harder is the vexation inside.
Incredibly hard it is to lose you all,
Even harder it is to lose myself.
Akin to a whirlpool,
Gobbling me up,
Is the alter ego inside.
I beg to find the reason, strive to stop it,
Only to find it is to no avail.
Preposterous does everyone find my turmoil,
No pillars to support this formation.
A single one can’t stop quintals and tons,
For it is only a matter of time,
Before it turns to nil.
This timorem, vexating and perturbing,
How long, I wonder, would it stay silent,
Waiting for the time of it’s life.
Does it even have a life, I wonder?
Maybe it sure does, for it sure has a voice.
A voice defying me.
A stranger inside.
Bizzare it is for all,
A dread invoker it is, for me.
A pillar for the dark side, it remains,
Pushing me to quit, to stop.
Quitting is the absolute bliss,
Remains its ultimate banal.
Maybe it is, sometimes I wonder.
A single mind is prone to brainwash.
Maybe multiple aren’t?
Since the stranger can only talk to me.
Stigmatism remains another.
Invoking terror, fear of abandonment.
So I fill the bottles and keep doing it
With the hope they never run out.
But like all, everything does.
So one day, when neither
This stranger nor me are around,
The pillars to a fallen formation weep,
Only to realize it is already too late.
Coward is her name.
Cowering in her safe space, stowing away all the fears.
Locked up in a treasure box,
One that no one desires.
Pleas and screams all long forgotten.
Rescue abandoned.
Wordlessly taking it all in.
Silent screams stomping on her pulp of heart.
Nothing remained.
Hope? Nay. He’s long absconded.
What is to remain?
Oh holy…
What has remained?
Just for how long…
How long did I listen to conclude…
To conclude that my own emotions are wrong?
How can a feeling be wrong?
How can my sadness be drama?
Is it humanly possible to fake such painful feelings?
Just how long do I have to convince myself that nothing is wrong?
Just how long?
Till the moment I realize life has ran out of me?
Just like now?
Is it too late?
Is it too sinful to want to be happy?
How can I love myself?
How can I not live in the past?
How can I ‘fucking move on’ like they shout?
Overwhelming.
That is what it is.
Would it be wrong to ask for a break?
Because it seems… My tears have run out.
It seems… My bitterness is taking over.
My emotions have blanked out.
Let me rest… Just for a moment…
So that when I wake up, I can at the least hope to be honest to myself.
Jingling bells, chortling voices.
Unending hope, countless prayers.
Optimism flew around, in plenty.
Smiling, contented spectators.
Light lay at the end of the tunnel, they said.
Yes.
It did.
It was one that’d steal the light of life from her.
The prodigal smile on her face was priceless.
It was mournfully, her cheerful last.
Veritably, a single contented scream, marked her decease.
Sometimes…
Sometimes a simple embrace does miracles.
It might bring down someone’s walls.
It might even make them reconsider…
Reconsider dying.
It might lessen their pain.
It might bring their pain out in the form of tears.
It might even bare their heart and emotions.
Laughing, smiling faces, captured in a frame;
Frozen akin to statues in time
Love overwhelmingly evident
Watching each other’s backs
Smirking and defying every rule
Discovering life and discovering us,
Catching the stars, seizing the impossible;
Together.
But… Three years and in flew adulthood.
And you?
You were gone.
Leaving no hint, no cipher.
Lost. I was lost without you.
Should I beg? Should I cry? Should I request?
Even if I did…
It would be to no avail.
Life moved on…
It’s time for me too.
I hope you read this one fine day;
And the dripping love from my eyes opens yours.
Remember me, my friend.
Remember me; even though we both moved on.
For my friend, M, who is no longer a part of my life even though I did love her. She…was the closest thing to a sister. I screwed up. I hope you forgive me one day and remember me.
Choking breaths,
Panting heart.
Silver clouds above humming and comforting;
Akin to caress of a mother
When the heart screams
And the anguish comes out
On the silent night;
Unbeknownst to everyone.
The image and the memories,
Haunting me, reminding me of you.
Bittersweet is this friendship;
Come back to me soon;
For I miss you.
She was beautiful.
She was sharp.
She was fast.
She was talented.
Multi talented.
Forward thinker, she was, unfortunately, for him.
She shouldn’t have been hasty.
They were right.
Choosing a partner isn’t choosing an accessory.
It was a decision of a lifetime.
Decision of a forever.
Akin to being reborn.
Love was plenty.
But history reminded her of it’s essence.
It repeated itself, courteously.
There she found herself, appalled by his views of the world.
And yet, unable to hate him.
Can anyone hate half of themselves?
Can anyone cut away half of their existence?
It was unthinkable.
She was an excellent minister.
And yet only one aspect mattered.
Her purity.
All else, forgotten.
From magnificent to cheap within seconds.
All for what?
A brand of purity. A brand on her entire character. A brand on her entire existence.
Harsh world it was.
She wished for the vial of life ending essence she always had, before she decided to live for him.
Him, who branded her, based on her purity.
Tried her hardest did she, to please them.
Pushed her limits, went out her way.
In a profession, she neither loved nor had any passion for.
And yet, it was never enough.
Enough for everyone around her, but for them, it never was.
She tried and tried.
Tried hard to love the profession.
Tied herself to a goal, from sheer responsibility.
No passion to drive her.
And yet, she tried.
But it was never enough.
Never indeed.
She felt her grip loosening.
Selfish did she become.
She gave up.
Word Elixirist 